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Sarah Bahr interviewed Amanda Montei, contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, who conducted conversations with over 30 married individuals whose sex lives were minimal or non-existent. Contrary to expectations, many of the partners showed a willingness - even gratitude - in sharing intimate detls about their sexual lives.
Montei's article, published recently in The New York Times Magazine's Modern Love issue, drew on five months of research including phone and video calls with couples across seven states as well as Canada, Britn, and Italy. The piece was a deep dive into the complexities of sexual intimacy within marriage today and Montei explned her mn insights.
When I began working on , Montei shared, I didn't know how openly people would speak about their sex lives. But to my surprise, many were glad to talk - almost as if they had been relieved from a personal pressure valve.
The article explores the multifaceted factors that influence sexual desire and negotiation with self, body, and societal expectations.
Reflecting on her experience reporting the piece, Montei described it as the biggest reporting challenge being the need to distill historical trs surrounding marital sex while staying focused on contemporary issues of heterosexuality and monogamous marriage.
Her interest in this subject began with a recent book she published about motherhood and sexuality. Reading feedback from readers who resonated with her book's themes provided a springboard for Montei’s current inquiry - the impact of age, parenthood, and traditional expectations on marital sex today.
One of Montei's biggest surprises was discovering that many strght men did not necessarily perceive women with low sexual desire negatively. Instead they showed patience, empathy, and thoughtfulness towards their partner's experiences.
The reader response to her article surpassed her initial anticipation - people had long desired more open conversations about sex, desire in relationships, and the role of modern partnerships today.
Despite these gns, Montei sees an ongoing need for critical examination of cultural beliefs around desire, sex, and intimacy. She is particularly interested in how digital spaces like social media facilitate diverse representations while potentially orsing traditional ger roles under the guise of health or relationship stability.
Amanda Montei's article opens up conversations about marital sex, desire, partnership today, revealing a rich tapestry that includes complexities beyond traditional norms and expectations.
Sarah Bahr writes about culture and style for The New York Times. She can be reached at [email protected]
This article is reproduced from: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/30/insider/sexless-marriage.html
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Marital Sex: Complexity and Diversity Desire Negotiation in Modern Partnerships Sexual Intimacy Beyond Expectations Contemporary Issues in Heterosexuality Societal Expectations on Sexual Desire Digital Spaces and Traditional Roles